Geyser in the front yard

I came home from work on... Wednesday? Yes, Wednesday. I'd been to Casey's funeral, West had fallen into the basement of the house he was framing and messed up his foot, and I turned on my sprinkles... only to discover a lovely geyser next to my porch. Good day. I checked it out and it wasn't a sprinkler head. I stuck my hand into the hole to feel for a pipe... no pipe, only the strong rush of water coming from off to the side, and that rush of water was washing out the dirt from under my grass. I was suddenly very concerned that the geyser that I was finding to be somewhat entertaining, was going to make my grass cave in. I called Mark. My neighbor across the street, the one who always saves me in my single motherness (do you have a ladder so I can take down the christmas lights the previous owners left up? How do I set up my A/C? Do you know how to turn my outside water on? Mark, there's a geyser in my front yard.). I now know how to fix a crack in poly pipe. Something every woman should know how to do. While Mark was working in the geyser-turned-crater, we had a visitor...