Dentist Debacle

It had been 6 years since my last dentist visit. I finally broke down last year and went. During the length of the cleaning and exam I found myself grasping the arms of the chair and pressing my head back against the pillow in pain. We chalked it up to the fact that I was currently whitening my teeth with over the counter products, which apparently makes them SUPER sensitive. The dentist found two small cavities that weren't big enough to fill.
I didn't go back after 6 months, but I did make it back after 8. I haven't touched the whitening trays for the 8 months so I know that wasn't an issue this round. And I'm pretty sure you shouldn't leave the dentist after a routine cleaning (where he even exclaims repeatedly that my teeth are so clean, his easiest cleaning of the week) with tears in my eyes from pain. It was brutal. I'm pretty sure they were trying to floss not only my teeth, but the roots too. I left with a sore on my lip because the buffer tool was left spinning on my lip. Every tool that went in and out of my mouth banged against teeth and pinched lips. To sound like my kids, it hurt. Badly. And those dang small cavities were still there. So I got to go back for fillings where the dentist thrust 4 shots into the same place, which locked my jaw and kept it from opening. I kid you not. I literally could not open my jaw. He even put fingers in my mouth and tried to push it open. (Is that typical dentist protocol?). It did eventually pop (more "owie") and he got it finished.
And now I have a tooth ache which throbs clear down to my jaw bone. I'm a little confused, my tooth didn't hurt BEFORE the filling, but it now huts after. Not constantly, but most certainly reoccurring. And I do not want to go back to the dentist and tell him he ruined my mouth. For the first time in my life, I'm afraid of the dentist.
Do you think you can put up with a reoccurring toothache for life? I might try it.