I have to admit, I'm having large amounts of anxiety over the changes in my life right now. All of which I have voluntarily taken on, which doesn't help the anxiety. Because if it wasn't the right thing to do with my life, then I have no one to blame but myself.I actually have a good, stable job. It pays my bills, it's steady, and I can do it well. Granted I have to drive 40-45 min in my commute, granted I get annoyed with how things and people are treated and handled, granted I have had to fight for every increase I've ever received there, but they've been good to me. I have received those increases. They give me flexibility when I need it for my circus. And I've been doing it for almost 4 years now, so it is very much my comfort zone now.
And they don't want me to leave. I have been offered more money, more vacation time, more flexibility to move around and work in the stores for variety and training (I'd asked for that at one time and was told no), and I've been offered an assistant. An assistant. Really? I'm hearing with every phone call that the store managers don't want me to leave, the owners don't want me to leave, the controller doesn't want me to leave (his #1 candidate to replace me is at the top of the list because she reminds him so much of me. He said her animation and her conversation was just so similar to me, and they need more of me around this place. How's that for a compliment?), and even our outsourced HR guy doesn't want me to leave. Our IT guy told me how the owner really likes me and... doesn't want me to leave.
I have to admit that the sound of the money almost had me. Almost. But then I remember why I'm doing it. I'm not done proving myself to life yet. I am in with the state. And who knows where I can take it?
And that's just it. I know what I'm being offered at Burt Brothers to stay. And it's not at all shabby. What I'll be able to do with the State is yet to be determined. And it's really hard for me to walk away from something so certain to go to something that isn't.
Getting a job right now is still kind of hard. And getting a job with the state is even harder still. I hit a point in the application process where I knew I wasn't going to be allowed to go any farther. I had to pass a typing test with 60 wpm and I didn't do it. I can type. When I'm good and warmed up I can flow at 67 wpm. But that day... oh that day, I couldn't type to save my life and I couldn't not reach their requirement of 60 wpm. I knew I was out of the running. And yet...
It has come together for me when it shouldn't have. And maybe when things come together so easily like it was meant to be, then maybe it was meant to be. And despite the uncertainty, it feels good. I'm excited to go in and prove my worth to them. And hopefully stumble into something that I really enjoy.
Hopefully the anxiety will subside once I get going there. I hope to go somewhere with it. It's time for the new adventure.
2 comments:
you're gonna do great! It's always hard to make those changes - to step into the "unknown" but little by little you'll have confirmations that it was the right thing and you'll look back and think WOW - what an awesome blessing!! Good luck!!
I'm so excited for you! You're going to do great. My mother-in-law is up at the capitol but she's sending out "feelers" with her connections to get the vibe on your division and maybe some direction for you for next steps. She said some areas of the AGs office are run better than others, so it's good to start positioning yourself for one of the better run areas. But I'll get ya'll in touch. This will be a great opportunity for you. My MIL started working for the AG's office when my FIL was diagnosed with cancer and they had no insurance. Her three youngest were about the same age as your kiddos at the time. She'll be retiring in the next year or so, and has nothing but good things to say about her years in the AG's and now governor's office.
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