Girl nuts and disco sticks

Oh Cali.
"Mom! Tayler kicked me in the nuts and it really hurt!"
"Cali, do you even know what that means?" (I'm desperately trying not to laugh).
"No..."
"Then why are you saying it?"
Well, she apparently did know the basics of what it meant, because when asked where it was that she was kicked, she had the right area.
And then she got a rudimentary lesson on female and male genitalia.  With a rough sketch... very rough.
Any questions?
Yes.  To set the next question up I should tell you that the kids got new mp3 players for Christmas and apparently Cali had some Lady Gaga downloaded to hers.  "What's a disco stick?"
I think it will be a few years before Cali realizes how perfectly timed that question was.  How do you explain a ride on a disco stick to the one and only child who was asleep for The Talk? Well, we just covered the basics of genitalia, so how about how they're used? Roughly... very roughly.  She was disgusted and Lady Gaga has been banned from our house.  I don't need her speeding these things up for me anymore.

Still

Sometimes a song just jumps out and hits a chord with my life. Sometimes it wraps up all my jumbled thoughts and feelings and plays it out all nicely in a way where I just *sigh*, and nod along, "yeah, that's it exactly."
I had that this morning.
Yesterday I went to bed feeling so... so... grateful. So blessed. And there was no doubt in my mind where this all comes from. And it leaves me feeling... in awe at His love for me. To bless me with such an amazing life, amazing experiences. And maybe it leaves me feeling a little overwhelmed at the richness of the goodness that surrounds me. I'll say it again. I am blessed. And I went to bed last night with the feelings of awe and thankfulness at this life that is mine. This morning I still felt the same, and this song hit me while I was driving to work.

Still - Tim McGraw - Tim McGraw Videos

Still
Sung by Tim McGraw
There's a place I like to go
Where I can hear the cotton grow
Midnight train whistles blow
A dozen miles down the road
All I really have to do is just be still
There's a place I love to be
Mom and Daddy my sister and me
First time I ever saw the beach
Back to 1983
All I really have to do is just be still
When this road gets crazy
And tries to break me
And I've had all I can stand
I can close my eyes no matter where I am
And just be still
There's a place that I can see
Where my baby's next to me
Close enough to feel the heat
All wound up beneath the sheets
All I have to do is just be still
When the road gets crazy
And tries to break me
And I've had all I can stand
I can close my eyes no matter where I am
And just be still
There's a place I need to go
Where the stained glass windows glow
Every part of me is known
Thank God I can go there
Thank God I can go there
Still
Still
Oh
Thank God I can go there still

And I don't know if it's the lyrics, or the feel of the music, or all of it tied together, but this is it. I have so much. I get to do so much, and experience so much and my life is just so full. And maybe it's because even when the road gets crazy and tries to break me, I can close my eyes no matter where I am and just be still. With Him.

It's not just riding, swimming, or watching movies

Have you heard this song yet? I heard it for the first time yesterday and it just gave me that "warm fuzzy feeling" about being a family. The simple days at the water park. Or on the four wheelers. Or on the boat. Or eating pizza and ice cream at home with a movie. Because we're not just riding or swimming or watching movies. It's so much more than that...
"She Thinks We're Just Fishin'" Trace Adkins
I’m lost in her there holdin’ that pink rod and reel
She’s doin’ almost everything but sittin’ still
Talkin’ ‘bout her ballet shoes and training wheels
And her kittens
And she thinks we’re just fishin’

I say, “Daddy loves you, baby” one more time
She says, “I know. I think I got a bite.”
And all this laughin’, cryin, smilin’ dyin’ here inside’s
What I call, livin’

And she thinks we’re just fishin’ on the riverside
Throwin’ back what we could fry
Drownin’ worms and killin’ time
Nothin’ too ambitious
She ain’t even thinkin’ ‘bout
What’s really goin’ on right now
But I guarantee this memory’s a big’in
And she thinks we’re just fishin’

She’s already pretty, like her mama is
Gonna drive the boys all crazy
Give her daddy fits
And I better do this every chance I get
‘Cause time is tickin’
(Yeah it is)

And she thinks we’re just fishin’ on the riverside
Throwin’ back what we could fry
Drownin’ worms and killin’ time
Nothin’ too ambitious
She ain’t even thinkin’ ‘bout
What’s really goin’ on right now
But I guarantee this memory’s a big’in
And she thinks we’re just fishin’

She ain’t even thinkin’ ‘bout
What’s really goin’ on right now
But I guarantee this memory’s a big’in
And she thinks we’re just fishin’
Yeah, aww, she thinks we’re just fishin’
We ain’t only fishin’
(This ain’t about fishin’)

"Talk with out the words"

I don’t want to get up baby,
Let’s turn off the phone
I don’t want to go to work today
Or even put my makeup on
I’ve got better things to do
Than my to do list anyway
Hide under the covers
And waste away the day
Let’s just lay here and be lazy,
Baby drive me crazy
All I want to do Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wooo
All I want to do Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wooo
Is love you
I got my whole life to change the world
And climb the ladders
Looking at you looking at me
Is the only thing that matters
Come a little closer baby,
We can talk without the words
Hang a sign on the door,
Please do not disturb
Let’s just lay here and be lazy,
Baby drive me crazy
All I want to do Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wooo
All I want to do Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wooo
Is love you
Give me a kiss, from that Elvis lip,
You don’t want to miss this,
All I want to do Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wooo
All I want to do Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wooo
Is love you wo woo
All I really want to do,
All I really want to do,
All I really want to do is love you,
Love you, love you
Come a little closer baby,
We can talk without the words
Hang a sign on the door, please do not,
Please do not, please do not,
Please do not disturb
When I lay down in the evening all I really want to do,
When I wake up, when I wake up in the morning baby,
All I really want to do
video just for kicks (probably just because I don't actually know how to post the video right on my post so if anyone can help me out with that, that would be great!)
So... There's a story to go along with this song. Would you like to hear it? Trust me, it's a cute one. Take note of the phrase that I highlighted for you. We were listening to the Sugarland CD in the car as we drove home from work/daycare last night and this song is playing. Cali's pretty sure it's her favorite song, and I'm pretty sure that it's because of all of the crazy "wo"s. I can't remember which one asked, but they all wanted to know once the question was out, "Mom, how do you 'talk with out the words'?" Knowing full well the inuendo behind this line (and the one following it, but it wasn't in question), and knowing full well we HAVE had THE TALK (I don't think I blogged that. It was extremely entertaining, I'll have to share it) I wondered for a split second how much I was supposed to tell them. I finally settled with the safe answer, "it's when people know what you mean by how you move your body. Body language." That worked for them. Phew. Today on the way home from work/daycare the song was again playing, as Cali requests it the instant we're in the car. Have to have a good dose of "wo"s first thing in a drive. Cali then tells me that she informed her friends at daycare today that she can "talk with out words". Yikes, OK, Cali, good job.

Bring on the Rain... I'm chasing dreams

(Jo Dee Messina and Tim McGraw)
Another day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war (cause)
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
It's almost like the hard times circle round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated, I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight.
watch the video

I have to say I've outgrown my divorce songs. "Over You" by Daughtry served me well. It vented my rage and bitterness when I blared it in my car and yelled it at the top of my lungs (when I was alone of course. I would never do that in front of the girls. Of course, we DID do that with Nickelback today, but that's a completely different, and very silly subject), it gave me hardened determination when the ring tone went off to warn me of who was on the other end. Even now I hear that song and I feel grateful. Grateful that I got out of that life that I was so dead in. Alone in. Depressed in. I don't wonder "is this all life is?" any more. I find satisfaction in the song now. I think "Defying Gravity" from the Wicked soundtrack still strikes a true chord in me, but it seems that I'm fighting a different sort of battle in life than what I have been. So a new song was needed. It finally hit me when I heard "Bring on the Rain" on the radio yesterday. This is it. I'm still battling child support. Even with ORS involved I'm getting less than I was when I was fighting it on my own. I only just found that out today when the first check from them came, I guess I get to call them Monday and find out what's going on exactly. But this has sent me into a whirlwind. I'm going back to school. I've sent in my application to the U of U to major in psychology and minor in... well I wanted to do English, my passion, but maybe I need something practical in there like a minor in communications instead. Because if I can't get into a graduate program at the U for psychology when I'm done with the Bachelors then I can't really do much with it. I've tossed it back and forth. I want to be a clinical psychologist, or a shrink per say. A marriage councilor... something. But you need that PhD for those things. Can I DO that? I'm already working full time and struggling to take care of the circus on my own. Granted my ex pops up for a weekend here and there and every other holiday, but let's face it, when it comes right down to the daily grind of "did you brush your teeth?" (asked any where from four to twelve times in a half hour), "how do I get you to a bday party and you to achievement days when I have to be at work until...?", "where's your homework, is it done?", "where's the permission slip?","your teacher told you to bring what? Do you have a note explaining that?", "did you get your chores done?" (asked, well, I don't think I ever stop asking that), and laundry and dinner EVERY night, because the kids have to eat, and "sheesh, did you REALLY have to grow two inches over night? What are you going to wear?!"... "when was the last time you took a shower? Well, go take one anyway." Can I really add chasing a PhD to this? I reply with a resounding YES! ABSOLUTELY! It makes me wonder, when did I stop dreaming? As a young girl I was going to be a Marine Biologist. I'm sure the penguin fetish helped with that. And as I became a teen and realized biology and science really weren't my strong points I was then going to become a graphic designer and work in advertising. Would you know, I actually got a job in an advertising agency right out of high school while I was going to college for that graphic design degree. But it didn't suit me either so hey, let's go for English, which had always been my strongest subject by far. I'm going to write and publish and edit! So when did I stop dreaming? About that time in my life actually. I got married. I had a family. And it was my absolute dream above all else to be that wife and that mother. Stepford would have been proud of me. That's where the "is this all there is?" comes in. I was alone in it. Depressed. I had this... something... amazingness?... just screaming to come out of me, and I was reaching for a husband who wasn't "there". Physically or emotionally. So the dreams stopped. And life stopped. I was still Stepford. But I wasn't Steph. I'm just shy of two years since I left him. And the dreams are back. PhD? Why not? I'm not very good at being ordinary. What's a more perfect way to teach my circus to run after what they want in life? Reach for the stars... and better yet, find a way to actually catch them, than by letting them watch me do it first hand? They're still my first priority, I'm doing this for them. I'm trying to make a better life for them, I'm trying to be solid in supporting them. Because if I don't no one else is going to.

First Time by Lifehouse

We're both looking for something
That we've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide

Looking at you,holding my breath,
For once in my life,I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,letting you inside.

I'm feeling alive all over again,
As deep as the sky, under my skin
Like being in love, she says
For the first time
Well maybe I'm wrong,
But I'm feeling right where I belong
With you tonight
Like being in love
Can feel for the first time

The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes

Looking at you,
Holding my breath,
For once in my life
I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,
Letting you inside.

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky under my skin
Like being in love, she said, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

We're crashing
Into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky under my skin
Like being in love, she said, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love can feel for the first time

Like being in love she said for the first time
Like being in love can feel for the first time